i dunno wat to do... cm say tt carmel is just lyk kenny... actually i oso gt this kinda feeling. and i realize tt i nv spent tym wid them anymore.... i nw feel very very down, sad and sorry for them... i everytym wil nspent tym wid them de... but nw no more... i dunno wat happen!!! stress lyk hell... wat to do!!! haix... mayb cm say de is quite true... i nw no more strength to do anything. i just wanna finish mai studies, work more money tt's all onli... the money tt i earn cn support mi n sis jiu cn le... nth much le... cm jio mi go out... so lata mayb hv some update ba...

To mai dearest carmel darling,

is nt i forcing u to stay at bedok. is just tt is too far for mi frm bedok to go to woodlands, n i'm nt forcing u to go back KL cux i dun wan u here is for yr own gd. u think this way, yes mayb u cant c mi mayb for months or wat la. but think u wanna work here n u cant c resulot at all or go back KL n do business u cn have more freedom, dun nit to worry yr rental fees la, yr lateness la, yr this ar yr tt la. think abt wat i say in mai blog. Is nt i dun have reason of askin u to go back. in sg yr expenses is too high. n i feel lyk i'm a burden to u. u understand? u understand i dun wan any help frm anybody, u understand i wanna b strong, u understand i just wanna do everything by maiself. dun wanna accept any help frm any1 anymore le, u cn ask cm. last tym i everything ask for help frm other. i had enuff le. feel lyk i'm a beggar. yes i'm yr lao po. but for once yr lao po wanna be strong lyk cm's mom. i really very admire her. as a woman she is very very very successful. i wanna b lyk her. cn carry up mai family de burden. u dun c i lyk very very carefree lyk tt.. actually i gt alot of things nit to handle. i think most of it u noe le. i state some example,
1. mai dad's de debt
2. mai sis school fees
3. mai internet n phone bills
4. PUB
5. mai sis extra expenses
6. own expenses
7. housing loans.

by right i have to help them bit by bit. but until nw i did help by is nt regularly.
i dun wan mai parents to worry bout mi. even they nv. everything cm wil tel mi "mahjong tke a break la. too much things u nit to handle liao." but i was thinking. last tym i was e highest income lei. if i dun help. hu cn? mai sis stil studying. i cannot ask a schooling person to lessen mai burden. i noe hw it feel. cux whn i was in schooling tt tym. i kena once. tt's really really very tough. nt easy at all. i dun wan mai sis to b lyk mi. sorry i noe u dun lyk to read long long essay. but this r e things i wanna tel u. if u wanna stay in sg, den u have to listen to hadi n john they all. cux they have hope in u. especially in lili. cux i heard they say she stil have high hope in u. y they choose u instead of alvin? cux of yr english. in sg english says everything. think properly. whether u wanna tke mai advice. okie i nw go to bed le. tml den meet u. nite den. sweet dreams.